I'm classy.

Tonight consisted of a drunken game of mall madness, and myself getting stun gunned three times. Party on!Haha, Lukkah played the black dude who had to get something sports related from basically every store...He also kept setting off the security alarms. Mall Madness is a fucking racist.

Lucky Number 19

To put everyone in the cheery Christmas spirit, here's nineteen suicide notes.1. Female, 21 Years Old. "I dont want you to think I would kill myself over you because you're not worth any emotion at all. It is what you cost me that hurts and nothing can replace it."2. Male, 51. "Though I am about to kick the bucket I am as happy as ever. I am tired of this life so am going over to see the other side."3. Male, 48. "Imagine God playing a dirty trick on me like another life!!! I've lived 47 years-there aren't 47 days I would live over again if I could avoid it...Will you see Valerie through college-she is the only one about who I am concerned as this .38 whispers in my ear."4. Male, 45. "My darling, May her guts rot in hell-I loved her so much." (This is the entire note.)5. Male, 74. "I married the wrong nag-nag-nag and lost my life."6. Female, 52. "I'm so tired and lonely. There goes a siren. Oh how can I stand being left. I need to see a doctor, but I am afraid. I'm so cold."7. Female, 31. "My boss, Kenneth J., seduced me and made me pregnant. He refuses to help me. I had not had intercourse in two years. He says that I will have to suffer through it by myself."8. Male. "I love you you stupid head."9. Male. "God I don't know why in the hell it has taken me all these years to be able to tell you I love you. You needed this all this time. My heart is pouring out for you now. I can only hope it's not too late."10. Female. "All the pictures I took from Holland and Germany are in the large metal box on the shelf."11. Male. "Bury or burn me as cheap as possible, I don't care where."12. Male. "Buy a steak, dope, booze, and go out with a bang! (And see a couple of ladies first!!!) Discussion closed!"13. Female. "Don't let the kids in the bedroom I'm dead."14. Male. "If you're interested you are welcome to what ever you want in the garage."15. Male. "The grass is always greener on the other side."16. Female. "I don't want those assholes Jane and Joe to get my car."17. Male. 'I'm tired of failing. If I can do this I will succeed."18. Male. "What a rotten sham to pull. It's too bad I don't have enough personality to be ashamed of myself."19. Female. "The Art of Listening, Be Patient-listen to the whole question. Don't start things at your response. Listen to Nature/God. Listen."

Behold!

Here you have a statement which may induce nausea, vomiting, a strong desire to refrain from eating, dizziness, blurred vision, temporary insanity, sexual impotence (again, temporary) and fainting. Read carefully.SOYLENT GREEN IST MENSCHEN FLEISCH?!?! SOYLENT GREEN IST MENSCHEN FLEISCH?!?!

Behold!

Here you have a statement which may induce nausea, vomiting, a strong desire to refrain from eating, dizziness, blurred vision, temporary insanity, sexual impotence (again, temporary) and fainting. Read carefully.SOYLENT GREEN IST MENSCHEN FLEISCH?!?! SOYLENT GREEN IST MENSCHEN FLEISCH?!?!

Behold!

Here you have a statement which may induce nausea, vomiting, a strong desire to refrain from eating, dizziness, blurred vision, temporary insanity, sexual impotence (again, temporary) and fainting. Read carefully.SOYLENT GREEN IST MENSCHEN FLEISCH?!?! SOYLENT GREEN IST MENSCHEN FLEISCH?!?!

Lookie here

It turns out the bump on my scrotum actually WAS a tumor! Oh well, I've been working at it for the past hour with a pair of nail clippers...I've gotten most of the skin back, and can see that little bugger peeking right out at me! I'm thinking if I push hard enough with my fingers I can just pop it right out...Anyways, I need to finish this up and get dinner started! =D

GORE.

Alright, so a week or two ago I passed out and busted my knee open on the curb. I bled EVERYWHERE for an hour before it finally stopped gushing.So today, somehow I reopened the wound and it started pouring again. My jeans have a fist sized dark blood stain around the knee, and splotches going down my leg. I thought it finally stopped, and I went to Best Buy to finally buy John Water's new movie. So, I'm walking through, and a Best Buy employee comes upto me.Best Buy Lackey: Um sir...Are you...Alright?Me: Yeah, why do you ask?BBL: Well, you're kind of...Leaving a trail, and several people have noticed it.Me: What the...I turn around to see that some how every step I take has left little blood droplets on the tile at Best Buy. haha. They then asked me to leave, but I refused to without making my purchase. So I stood in line and made sure to stomp as hard as possibly to throw blood everywhere.Man, I wish I had HIV.ALSO HECTOR, I need to know what your situation is ASAP.

CINNAMON SLIDE OF DOOM

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GET THE FUCK AWA...

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC TO WHORES.

Comment To Be Raped

Friends Only.